Is it really supposed to be this heart-breakingly difficult? Being a parent? I really don't have a clue what I am doing most of the time and the older they get the harder it gets. Like I am moving through a moment of upheaval and every step of the way I can hear myself saying "no. that is the wrong way" and yet I keep moving in the wrong direction because I know of no other direction.

hope

a picture of my garden a couple years ago. Those dahlias were almost 6 feet tall with blooms a foot wide...absolutely scrumptious. I am missing my yard, my veggies and my flowers so much. Two years without a vegetable garden is far too long. Unfortunately the whole back 40 has to be completely rearranged and reconfigured and I don't have long to do so before I will end up missing out on yet another year.

too bad we need to sleep...